Last Monday was my first official day as a stay at home mom. I wasn't planning to go full on "mom mode" right away, though; the plan is for the kids to finish the month in daycare, giving me two weeks to attend to the packing and cleaning without helpful little hands.
On Sunday, Elijah started throwing up at 3am. He continued this pattern into Sunday afternoon, which meant he would have to stay home with me on Monday. That's ok, I can be flexible. I had my Monday packed full of long, tedious errands (think DMV lines) not suitable for a baby, so Sunday evening, I quickly rearranged my schedule with a couple light errands and a lot of chores at home.
Elijah and I got up Monday morning and dropped the rest of the family off at daycare. From there, we drove back to RSM and stopped at Starbucks. Mommy got coffee, and Bean got to watch the fountain in the courtyard. Looking at the time, I realized we had half an hour to kill before the post office opened, so we decided to stroll through Target. I had some birthday money to spend, and since my casual wardrobe consists of one pair of jeans and a handful of T-shirts, I hit the clearance racks to look for some clothes more suited to my new home life.
I was actually finding some things I really liked, placing them in the cart to try on. Then I got a text from Omar, "Come get William." All the clothes went back on the rack, and Elijah and I drove back to the daycare to get William who had caught Elijah's stomach bug. I decided to take Joy, too, so I wouldn't have to make a third trip later.
The day really peaked at lunch time. William was not hungry and asked to go upstairs and lie down. As I was serving Joy and Bean, I heard William start retching and ran upstairs to find him standing in the middle of his room throwing up. As I rubbed his back and calmed him down, I heard Joy start crying and retching downstairs. William hadn't eaten anything else, so he really didn't bring up much, but Joy made a mess. I got both kids cleaned up and into bed, then put on rubber gloves and started cleaning the dining room floor, chair, and table. This whole time, Elijah was rather unhappy about being left in his high chair and screamed at me the entire time I was trying to clean up.
I tried to get some work done while the kids were napping. Just as the kids all started to wake up and move to the couch to watch a movie, I felt the waves of nausea starting to hit. My first episode of vomiting was memorable as I leaned over the toilet while holding the baby back with one arm while he tried to see what new game Mommy was playing.
From that point on, I could barely get off the couch. I was so grateful to see Omar arrive home. He made chicken and rice soup for dinner, but Elijah was the only one who wanted to eat. And shortly after dinner, the stomach bug got Omar. I ended up calling my mom and asking her to come put the baby to bed. My mom offered to take Elijah for the night, but I thought it would be too much trouble in the morning since he expects to nurse as soon as he wakes up. I immediately regretted that decision. Elijah woke up half an hour after my mom left. It took Omar and I ten minutes to get down the hallway into the room, and I ended up sleeping on the floor with Elijah for an hour and a half because I couldn't get back up.
Tuesday morning, every one was feeling mostly recovered, enough to start eating a few cheerios at least. However, the rhythm of the week was thrown off. I got no packing or cleaning or any moving preparations done. My dad came to visit, and the kids and I spent Wednesday and Thursday with him. Friday, I was very busy trying to catch up on my coding.
I have this wonderful idealistic vision of our life in Texas when I will be a stay at home mom. I'll rise early and have some quiet time before cooking a healthy breakfast for my family and sending my husband off to work. Then I will fill the kids' days with creative academics and fun field trips to libraries and museums, while getting work done during quiet time in the afternoon. I'll have a daily house keeping schedule to follow, and have wonderful meal plans every week.
Now if all of you who are already stay at home moms are done laughing at me, let me just say, at least I've learned my lesson early! Staying home with the kids is going to teach me how to be a lot more flexible. I'll do my best to plan and clean and keep life going smoothly, but with 3 kids, life will definitely be unpredictable!
Monday, June 24, 2013
Thursday, June 13, 2013
The "Lasts"
Less than a month until moving day. Already, I am starting to feel a little weepy and sentimental just thinking about all the "lasts" that are coming up. I'm getting through by focusing on on the "firsts" that are heading our way, but we've got to get through the "lasts" to get to the "firsts."
Last Friday was the kids' last talent show and carnival with Arbor Christian School. I'm grateful for the time they have spent there, and the friends they have made. William's class recited scripture and sang a song. Joy's class recited the Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar (Joy held the caterpillar). Then they played in the bouncy house, going down the slide over and over and over again.
This is my last week at work. I will miss the lovely ladies working in the office with me and all the field clinicians, too. This was my first "real" job. I started in college as a part time medical records file clerk. I've advanced to CRC, then coder, plus Allscripts Superuser. I've been under 3 different managers, and made it through the dreaded EMR transition. Through long talks with Frankie, and lunch chats with Debi, meetings, and office parties, I've learned so much, about work and about life.
Yesterday was the kids' last appointments at Mia Bella Pediatrics. I've loved Mia Bella from the first moment I called to schedule a prenatal consultation, and a live person picked up the phone on the first ring. They have taken such great care of all 3 of my kids. There is always a doctor available by phone who knows my child (even at 2am in the morning, and yes, I have tested that!). When William was in the hospital at 5 months old, Dr. McNulty visited every day that she was working and coordinated care with the hospitalist as we prepared to discharge. I plan to take a big plate of cookies or something to say thank you when I go back next week to pick up the kids' medical records.
I don't even want to think about some of the lasts coming up. They are just going to get harder and harder. Last Sunday at church. Last time with my parents. Last dinners with friends. Everything is changing so fast. All of a sudden, it seems like the move is just around the corner, and I can't keep up.
The kids are finishing out the month in daycare. These next two weeks, I will be home by myself during the day. I'll be picking up some extra cash doing some per diem coding for St. Joseph and some extra charts for QIRT, but my focus will be the packing and cleaning; so much to do!
Don't tell anyone, but I'm planning to sneak in just a little "me" time, too. The first day I do some coding for St. Joseph, I plan to do it at a coffee shop. I've always wanted to see what it was like to sit in a coffee shop and work; it just seems kind of glamorous. And I love coffee. I also plan to take advantage of the quiet house for a relaxing hot bath one day. Just a few moments to help keep my sanity as we seem to be hurdling at breakneck speed into chaos. Controlled chaos, in a moving truck.
Last Friday was the kids' last talent show and carnival with Arbor Christian School. I'm grateful for the time they have spent there, and the friends they have made. William's class recited scripture and sang a song. Joy's class recited the Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar (Joy held the caterpillar). Then they played in the bouncy house, going down the slide over and over and over again.
This is my last week at work. I will miss the lovely ladies working in the office with me and all the field clinicians, too. This was my first "real" job. I started in college as a part time medical records file clerk. I've advanced to CRC, then coder, plus Allscripts Superuser. I've been under 3 different managers, and made it through the dreaded EMR transition. Through long talks with Frankie, and lunch chats with Debi, meetings, and office parties, I've learned so much, about work and about life.
Yesterday was the kids' last appointments at Mia Bella Pediatrics. I've loved Mia Bella from the first moment I called to schedule a prenatal consultation, and a live person picked up the phone on the first ring. They have taken such great care of all 3 of my kids. There is always a doctor available by phone who knows my child (even at 2am in the morning, and yes, I have tested that!). When William was in the hospital at 5 months old, Dr. McNulty visited every day that she was working and coordinated care with the hospitalist as we prepared to discharge. I plan to take a big plate of cookies or something to say thank you when I go back next week to pick up the kids' medical records.
I don't even want to think about some of the lasts coming up. They are just going to get harder and harder. Last Sunday at church. Last time with my parents. Last dinners with friends. Everything is changing so fast. All of a sudden, it seems like the move is just around the corner, and I can't keep up.
The kids are finishing out the month in daycare. These next two weeks, I will be home by myself during the day. I'll be picking up some extra cash doing some per diem coding for St. Joseph and some extra charts for QIRT, but my focus will be the packing and cleaning; so much to do!
Don't tell anyone, but I'm planning to sneak in just a little "me" time, too. The first day I do some coding for St. Joseph, I plan to do it at a coffee shop. I've always wanted to see what it was like to sit in a coffee shop and work; it just seems kind of glamorous. And I love coffee. I also plan to take advantage of the quiet house for a relaxing hot bath one day. Just a few moments to help keep my sanity as we seem to be hurdling at breakneck speed into chaos. Controlled chaos, in a moving truck.
Monday, June 3, 2013
Grace
This post had been on my heart for a week, but now sitting in front of my computer, the words aren't coming easy. This is a topic that has reached so far into so many aspects of our lives recently; God has been speaking to us and teaching us, and it's hard to contain all of it in a simple post.
God has been teaching us about giving grace. As we've dealt with some people in the last few weeks, we have felt hurt, we have even felt anger, and God has told us, repeatedly, to show grace. To show love. It's really hard. I have to admit, sometimes it feels good to just be angry, especially when I think I'm right. Giving grace means letting go of the anger, accepting apologies. Moving on without a grudge. Love keeps no record of wrong, right?
There was a harder lesson to learn, though. We've also had to learn to accept grace. It sounds easier, but it starts with letting go of our pride; being humble and admitting where we are wrong. And we've had to come face to face with that reality in our parenting. There have been several nights where Omar and I have laid back on the bed and just talked, feeling horrible after one of us has had a "bad parent" moment, and struggling with forgiving ourselves and accepting God's grace to move on.
Seriously, sometimes I feel like a bipolar parent. One minute, I am the model mother: calm and collected, lovingly correcting my kids and moving them through the routines of the day. The next moment, I've snapped, yelling and stomping around like I'm a kid myself. Most people who know me would never think I have the type of temper I let loose in front of my kids sometimes. Even in the middle of it, I recognize it, and it's such a struggle to reign it in and get control. And afterwards, I'm horribly embarrassed by the way I've behaved.
Lately, I've been dialoguing a lot with William about good choices and bad choices. We always have a choice between good and bad. Sometimes it's really hard to choose good; doing bad just seems easier. Even superheroes make bad choices sometimes. This was a hard point for William to digest, but it was a great conversation talking about how God is the only one who is all good all the time. I've been trying to teach him to take it to God; God has the power to help him make good choices and do good things. How rewarding it has been to see him lose his temper, go into his room to pray, and come back out with an apology and improved attitude! There's one of my "perfect mommy" moments.
But though my words have been right, I have fallen very short in modeling those behaviors to my children. This, this is where I need God's grace most deeply in my life. When I have to take my son on my lap with a hug and a kiss, and tell him I was wrong, and apologize for being such a mean mommy. I have to ask God to forgive me and give me grace. And then I have to accept it. I have to accept that God will give me grace, that He will forgive me, and I have to allow Him to give that grace and continue to work on me and through me as I mother my children.
In those moments when I am weakest, when my temper is flying out of my control, that's where God's grace is strongest. Even as I am teaching my son how to fall back on God, God is teaching me the same thing. In the middle of my tantrum, I'll hear His voice, "Let go." Let go of my pride; let go of my anger. Accept His grace in that moment, so I can teach my kids to do the same.
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 (ESV)
God has been teaching us about giving grace. As we've dealt with some people in the last few weeks, we have felt hurt, we have even felt anger, and God has told us, repeatedly, to show grace. To show love. It's really hard. I have to admit, sometimes it feels good to just be angry, especially when I think I'm right. Giving grace means letting go of the anger, accepting apologies. Moving on without a grudge. Love keeps no record of wrong, right?
There was a harder lesson to learn, though. We've also had to learn to accept grace. It sounds easier, but it starts with letting go of our pride; being humble and admitting where we are wrong. And we've had to come face to face with that reality in our parenting. There have been several nights where Omar and I have laid back on the bed and just talked, feeling horrible after one of us has had a "bad parent" moment, and struggling with forgiving ourselves and accepting God's grace to move on.
Seriously, sometimes I feel like a bipolar parent. One minute, I am the model mother: calm and collected, lovingly correcting my kids and moving them through the routines of the day. The next moment, I've snapped, yelling and stomping around like I'm a kid myself. Most people who know me would never think I have the type of temper I let loose in front of my kids sometimes. Even in the middle of it, I recognize it, and it's such a struggle to reign it in and get control. And afterwards, I'm horribly embarrassed by the way I've behaved.
Lately, I've been dialoguing a lot with William about good choices and bad choices. We always have a choice between good and bad. Sometimes it's really hard to choose good; doing bad just seems easier. Even superheroes make bad choices sometimes. This was a hard point for William to digest, but it was a great conversation talking about how God is the only one who is all good all the time. I've been trying to teach him to take it to God; God has the power to help him make good choices and do good things. How rewarding it has been to see him lose his temper, go into his room to pray, and come back out with an apology and improved attitude! There's one of my "perfect mommy" moments.
But though my words have been right, I have fallen very short in modeling those behaviors to my children. This, this is where I need God's grace most deeply in my life. When I have to take my son on my lap with a hug and a kiss, and tell him I was wrong, and apologize for being such a mean mommy. I have to ask God to forgive me and give me grace. And then I have to accept it. I have to accept that God will give me grace, that He will forgive me, and I have to allow Him to give that grace and continue to work on me and through me as I mother my children.
In those moments when I am weakest, when my temper is flying out of my control, that's where God's grace is strongest. Even as I am teaching my son how to fall back on God, God is teaching me the same thing. In the middle of my tantrum, I'll hear His voice, "Let go." Let go of my pride; let go of my anger. Accept His grace in that moment, so I can teach my kids to do the same.
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 (ESV)
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