Discouragement

I have the best intentions of keeping up this blog with at least one post every week.  Really.  I will.

But already, on just the third week, I've been putting off writing anything.  I've been saying I don't have a focused topic, and I don't just want to ramble.  But I think the real problem is that I am just feeling down and discouraged this week.

Lack of sleep never helps my frame of mind.  Monday night I was up past midnight working, and then my darling baby thought 3:30am was a great time to start the day.

But really, as upbeat and positive as I've been so far on this blog, talking about our move and God's plans for us, I need you all to know that this isn't easy. As hard as things may be in California right now, Texas is not an easy way out.  Texas was never in our plans.  Now, not only is Texas in our plans, but it is very suddenly and prominently in our plans, and everything is rolling ahead faster than I can keep up.

I've given my notice at work.  Omar is giving our official notice to our landlord.  We got a quote on the Honda for much more than we were expecting; we will probably sell it to Carmax this weekend.  Omar is working on a possible job opportunity with Best Buy. Omar's dad is coming out to help us get moved. We picked a moving date.  July 9.  Good bye, California.

There are things we'll miss.  Superficial things like In 'N Out, Disneyland, the weather, the San Diego Zoo and Safari Park (or really anything San Diego, it's our favorite place for a quick road trip).  Some things run deeper.  Family: we'll be leaving Omar's sister and my parents and sister. Our church.  It's going to hurt to leave these people.  It makes me sad when I dwell on these things.

But the thing that has really discouraged me this week are some people's attitudes and response to our news.  Overwhelmingly, our friends and family have supported us and been enthusiastic for us.  But there have been a few, and it just happens to be people whose opinions are important to me, who have been very discouraging.  They've gone so far as to say that it sounds like we're just giving up, that we are tired and tired of working.  They've even implied that we are being irresponsible parents and don't have a plan to provide for our kids if we move to Texas because we are giving up our jobs here.  Their words have hurt me deeply, and my heart has been heavy this week.

We are doing the best we possibly can for our family.  We love California, and finally admitting that we need to leave was hard for us to do.  If we weren't fully convinced that our family would benefit so much from this, we wouldn't do it.  Not only are we "escaping" the high cost of living in California, we are leaving the culture of California: something we need not only for our kids, but for ourselves as well.  No, we don't have all the answers yet.  Yes, we are moving on faith.  But moving on faith doesn't mean we are sitting back, hoping for the best.  We are working as hard as we can to figure it all out, doing what we need to do, and rejoicing and praising God every time He meets us where we are and fulfills another need.

My husband has been my rock this week.  He knows me so well; he can look at me and know how discouraged I'm feeling, and how stressed out I am.  Besides dealing with a sad heart this week, I've also had a frustratingly busy week with my work from home job.  Omar has been shouldering more responsibility with the kids and home to give me time to get my work done.  And he has constantly been asking me, "What do you need?" and then providing it; anything from a bowl of cereal at midnight so I have the energy to do one more chart audit, to a hug and shoulder to cry on when I just can't handle anything else.

And he has encouraged me and reminded me that we are doing the right thing.  Moving to Texas is hard, and some times people's attitudes make it harder.  But if we are following God's will and allowing Him to work in our lives, it's going to make us stronger.

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:3-5 (NIV)