Homeschooling in the Cracks of Life

I was corresponding with one of my sisters-in-law recently, chatting a bit about homemade granola and homeschooling.  She homeschools her 4 kids, and as I asked her about how she juggles it all, she at one point said that she prefers to do school "in the cracks of life."  I liked the sound of that, and the phrase has kind of stuck with me.

We have definitely found a rhythm to our homeschool life, and I am much more relaxed and lenient about it than I thought it would be.  At the beginning of the school year, I had actually composed a daily schedule broken down into half hour increments from when we woke up, to when we did school, what time we ate, etc.  It was impossible to keep.  And I have found that I enjoy "real life" much more than any rigidly crafted structure.

I do have a loose structure.  At the beginning of the year, I organized all of the Abeka worksheets (for William), and I scheduled them all out in a planner, also setting out our days off.  That gives me a base, and from there, I just plan one week at a time.  Over the weekend at some point, I sit down with all my planning things.  I look over the Abeka material, add from any extra relevant material I may have (mostly BOB books and a simple math activity book), and make note of which activities I can involve Joy in.  I also have a separate column for Joy where I plan out activities for her letter of the week.  It usually takes me less than an hour to transform my skeleton lessons into full plans for the week. 

"School" usually happens in the morning. After I've slept in as late as possible, and lingered over my coffee, I gather every one together. We have our circle time, and then work on various worksheets. William has a lot of independent work. Joy mostly works with me, then she just goes off to play while I work with William. Elijah likes to be in the room and usually in the way. Sometimes Omar takes him out, and sometimes he gets an episode of Yo Gabba Gabba, but I hate to use the TV too much. I also make little grab bags that I fill with miscellaneous items to entertain him. He loves pulling stuff out. It works so well, I keep one in the diaper bag, too, to use whenever we're stuck waiting somewhere. 

I've learned to be very flexible with that hour of formal work.  William loves to watch Omar doing his woodwork and projects. When I went looking for William to start school one morning, I found him in the garage watching Omar build something. I decided to leave him there. I spent extra time working with Joy that day, and just caught William up with a few worksheets when he came in that evening. I'm not very good yet at pulling the lessons out of every situation, but I am trying to realize the learning potential in every simple activity. How many lessons of hard work and dedication and even practical skills will William learn in the garage with his dad? Or he can practice simple reading and math skills reading a recipe with me to make dinner. Joy in the same situation would be learning to follow directions and sequential steps. I think this is the beauty of homeschooling: realizing that learning goes far beyond the classroom.

Most of our lessons are pretty tame. We use a lot of worksheets and flash cards.  We read tons of books. The kids really enjoy our weekly library trips; we always go on Wednesday mornings for Storytime. I've always got an eye out for educational apps for the iPad that the kids might enjoy. Joy and I use the iPad at least once a week to do google image searches for things that start with our letter of the week.  We also have language skills, math, reading, and spelling apps, as well as some interactive story books that the kids love. 

Every now and then I come up with a "big idea" to break the monotony. We all really enjoyed learning about the how the mail works.  We took a family walk to the mailboxes; William read street names and house numbers, and we learned how addresses work, and we mailed postcards to grandparents. We've started science journals like Sid the Science Kid. So far, we've just observed gravity by dropping balls, and tomorrow we will see if different kinds of balls bounce the same. I think that science experiments will begin to happen more in the new year. We learn about healthy foods during meal times, and we even had a tea party when we talked about manners.

One of the best things about homeschooling is being able to bring the Bible into every subject. Omar will set a theme for the week that goes with our Bible story, and we emphasize it in every area of living. For the month of November, we have been talking about gratitude. We have a thankful tree, and our memory verse this week is Psalms 118:1. I do memory verses and catechism questions with William and Joy during circle time, but the real meat of their religious education comes from Daddy during family Bible time every evening. The theological discussions get pretty deep. It's amazing what these little sponges can soak up, and I am so grateful we have this chance to be so involved in building their characters and love for God. 

And that's how it goes. If we decide we need a few things from the grocery store, it becomes a family trip in the morning, and formal lessons don't happen until the afternoon.  If family is in town, we'll just skip the lessons completely and make them up later. I think doing school in the cracks of life means realizing that learning is happening all the time, and while worksheets and flash cards can be good and useful, they aren't the goal, so it's ok if they get pushed to the side sometimes. Especially when my kids are this young, they are learning more outside the schoolroom than in it, and my goal is to help them realize that, cherish it, and become lifelong learners. 

The Heart of the Home

Our kitchen is right in the heart of our home. As I type this, I have a pizza casserole in the oven, lasagna noodles and quinoa cooking on the stovetop (in separate pots), and some butter sitting out to reach room temperature to make cookies later. I can hear my husband working in the garage, and watch my kids darting back and forth from bedrooms to living room as they play. Since moving to Texas, I have been able to spend so much more time in the kitchen, and I love it. Besides just enjoying cooking and baking, more time in the kitchen is translating into feeding my family healthier food and dramatically reducing our food budget.

About a year and a half ago, I  came across this website: 100daysofrealfood.com.  I already knew that our eating habits weren't the best, but I began to realize just how many chemicals and artificial foods were in things that were even promoted as healthy. I love 100 Days of Real Food because they are not critical, but very encouraging that every small change starts to add up and can make a big difference. 

I keep it simple and prevent it from becoming overwhelming by focusing on one small area to change at a time.  For example, the very first thing I did was start buying whole grain pasta. The kids didn't even notice the change. Very slowly (remember this started a year and a half ago, and we aren't done yet!), we are changing our diet to healthier, less processed foods, mainly by cooking from scratch and eating more fruits and vegetables. Sometimes it just means reading labels: if you can't pronounce it, you probably shouldn't eat it!

I'm pretty happy with where we are now. We are not 100% "real food," and I don't think we ever will be, but we are eating so much better than we used to. I've been making our own bread for a couple of months now.  It's not completely whole wheat, but better than almost all store bought bread that has a gazillion ingredients I can't pronounce. I never thought I would be the kind of person who keeps two kinds of flour in my pantry. We have recently stopped buying cereal, and I make a homemade granola that we all love for breakfast and snacking. Sometimes the kids like it with milk (like cereal), sometimes with plain yogurt sweetened with a touch of honey. We go through fresh fruit faster than I can buy it. The kids are even getting better about eating vegetables; Joy is like a rabbit the way she gobbles up salads. 

I've even made some personal sacrifices for the cause! I've given up my artificially sweetened restaurant espressos. Omar got me an espresso machine for my birthday, and I make my own lattes with just espresso and milk.  Sometimes for a treat I add honey and cocoa powder or pumpkin pie spice. I've also given up microwave popcorn, and I really prefer our air-popped popcorn with a little butter and salt, or a little ranch seasoning (on my to-do list: make my own ranch mix instead of store bought packets).

But all this real food and cooking from scratch means I'm spending a lot of time in the kitchen. I make bread about every other week (two loaves at a time, one goes in the freezer), and I make granola at least twice a week.  I usually try to make muffins or some similar grab and go breakfast for Sunday mornings in case we are running late and need to eat in the car on the way to church. I keep lunches simple: usually sandwiches with fresh fruit and veggies. And then there's dinner (and other miscellaneous baking and cooking). And I still need time to teach the kids and do chart audits. So to save time, I finally got into freezer cooking. 

I wish I had figured this out a year ago when I was working full time; we would have eaten so much better and would have had so much less stress in the evenings trying to figure out dinner!  If you have not heard of this before, the basic idea is that you spend a few hours prepping a bunch of meals at once, then put them in the freezer, and when it's time to cook, just pull out a meal! I have mostly done crockpot meals. The night before, I move the bag from freezer to fridge, then in the morning, just dump in the crockpot. In the evening, I usually just need to cook some pasta or warm some veggies. So easy, and we have discovered some really delicious recipes. This month, I am doing a couple casseroles, too.

Not only has this saved time, it has saved us money, too.  For one, we have meals planned and ready, so we don't eat out nearly as much as we used to.  Almost not at all.  Two, shopping in bulk and planning our meals has helped us save on our grocery bill. We have cut our grocery budget in half since moving to Texas. 

Simplify, plan, and save. This may sound a little hokey, but the changes happening in our kitchen really reflect the changes we are making in our lives as a whole. We are simplifying our lifestyle by focusing on what's important, planning for the future, and working hard to save money, pay off debt, and be good stewards. So the kitchen really is the heart of our home. 

My Kids

To start off, let me tell you I just read over my first post on this blog with the description of our life in California. It made me tear up a little remembering how hard everything was. Life has improved so much and in so many ways since we moved to Texas. Praise God for His work in our lives!

And now for one of my favorite types of blog posts, stories of my kids who give me no end of joy and laughter everyday. 

We were outside checking the weather when we heard some fire trucks in the distance. We talked briefly about how they were going to help people then went back inside to finish our circle time. At the end of circle time, William asked if he could do the prayer, and he prayed for the people the firemen were going to help. 

Joy: "Please may I can have pizza again, Daddy, and can I eat it like a bunny?"

We were sitting at the dinner table talking about taking a shower afterward, and Joy says, "We can make two Joys and two Mommies, and then no one will see us anymore...but first we have to brush our hair."

Elijah thought the church business meeting was very exciting. He would sit quietly with me in the foyer, but every time I tried to go back into the sanctuary, he got very excited, clapping and waving and squealing. 

One of the lovely ladies at church asked Joy her name, and Joy responded, "Minnie Mouse Joy."

We were all sitting quietly in the car when William suddenly said, "Daddy, what about Miss Cathy?" (Miss Cathy is his Sunday school teacher.) Omar asked, "What about Miss Cathy?" "Umm...Miss Cathy is cool."

Another day sitting in the car, and William pipes up with, "I love God, and I'm going to act like I love God."

One cloudy day, I told the kids that if it rained, we would put on a movie and make hot chocolate. They grabbed their stools and ran to the window where they stood watching the sky. William told Joy to pray to God for lots of rain. 

It didn't rain, but the next morning, William woke me up at 5:30am in tears, "I thought we were going to have hot chocolate?"

(It rained later that day, and we had hot chocolate.)

Omar: Are you cute like a bird?

Joy: No.

Omar: Hm. Are you cute like a frog?

Joy: No. I'm not cute like animals. I'm cute like humans. 

I gave Joy the job of putting silverware away. She stood on a stool by the drawer, and I set the silverware basket from the dishwasher in the drawer so she could reach it easily. When I checked on her after a few minutes, she was playing with the silverware. I told her to put the silverware away, and she immediately tried to close the drawer (with the silverware basket still sitting in it), said, "Oh, it doesn't fit!" Then jumped down and walked away. 

I've got to start writing these things down daily; there are so many moments that I forget too quickly!

Homeschool

Today was our first official day of homeschooling. I think everything went very smoothly, and I am excited to keep going! Here's our schoolroom:

We sit on the couch with lap desks when they are working with me, and they sit at the table for their individual work.  At least, that's the plan so far.  I can't wait to see how everything evolves and develops as we get going. 

One of the best things I've done so far is give myself a break. This is preschool and kindergarten; the most important thing is to give them a little structure and direction and foster a love of learning within a Biblical framework.  I have so many big ideas, and I want to incorporate so many elements, that I was just overwhelmed. Then I realized we can just start slowly, just a few activities a day, keep it light and fun, and we will slowly build momentum as we figure out what works best for our family. Once I took the pressure off, I started to get more enthusiastic as I dug into the planning. 

Texas is one of the best states for homeschooling. I don't even have to notify anybody, and if any authority asks, I just have to provide a letter stating that I am homeschooling and teaching my kids reading, writing, math, and good citizenship.  So I have complete freedom in how I structure and plan our lessons. For William, we have purchased a set of Abeka kindergarten curriculum. It gives me a good framework to work in, and I plan to modify and supplement to fit William's needs as we go. It includes some social studies and science type things that I will include Joy in as well. For Joy's letters and numbers, I plan to use the range of free preschool resources available on line.  I am starting very slowly with her, working on her attention span and cooperation as I figure out where she's out at and what we need to focus on. We will probably be doing a letter of the week type thing. For Elijah, I will let him listen and be involved as he wants to be, and plan a few simple activities now and then for him. I also filled a couple small drawstring bags with small toys and household items that are safe for him to explore, so if he gets restless and cranky, I can hand him a bag and let him investigate, swapping out new items every week or so.  I haven't had a chance to test that yet, so I'll let you know if it works well or not.

I have plotted out our calendar for the year, more of a year round type schedule with several long weekends, extra long Christmas break, and a week off every couple of months.  We will finish July 31 and have the month of August off before starting again in September. I've plotted the Abeka stuff in a planner for the whole year, and I will "fill in" the rest as we go, keeping a week or two ahead. 

I'm really glad we decided to start our circle time a week before our actual academics.  The first morning was a bit of a disaster. But we've improved on it a little everyday, and the kids are starting to enjoy it. I think their favorite part is checking the weather. We also do the good morning song, date, days of the week, and work on a memory verse.  We've also added some catechism questions from the new kids program at church. I'm trying to find more ways of getting them up and active to work off some of that morning energy. We do hand motions with almost everything we are memorizing.  Here is our bulletin board: 

My favorite find is that weather chart. I stumbled across the free template online, it was really easy to put together, and the kids love it. I love how it is teaching them to be more descriptive and use comparative terms.

We have our calendar separate. We haven't given it a permanent home yet. 

For our first day, Elijah left after circle time to go to the grocery store with Daddy, so I was able to focus on William and Joy. That was good to be able to establish how our routine will go. We kept it simple, light, and short. I worked with Joy and some alphabet flash cards while William completed a coloring sheet and practiced writing letters A to D. Then William and I did some letters and reading while Joy worked on tracing patterns. Our big project for the day was our first day of school posters. 

We finished with the Alphabet Monster Game.  This was actually in the lesson plans for tomorrow, but the kids saw the monster and were so excited to feed him, and we will probably do it again tomorrow. We have a magnet board with the alphabet magnets.  I named what the monster wanted to eat; William and Joy had to identify the letter it started with, find that letter on the board, and put it in the monsters mouth. I can't claim original idea, although I did slightly modify it, but it was a huge hit with William and Joy.

That was it for the first day.  As we progress, we will expand the morning with more individual work, mostly letters, numbers, math, and reading. I will spend extra time with William during nap time as needed, and art projects will happen in the afternoon, along with some science and social studies. Except on Wednesdays, we have story time at the library in the morning, so we will do our morning stuff in the afternoon. And we can be as flexible as we want to be with field trips or other activities going on in our lives.  I have determined there are no local homeschooling groups in Kyle, so I will have to start searching in surrounding cities to find the closest one.

As I was going through the Abeka curriculum, I was marveling at how much William will learn by the end of the school year, and I am so very excited that I get to be a part of it! Instead of seeing his progress on papers coming home from school, I will be there for every "Ah ha!" moment! And for Joy and Elijah, too.  I won't miss a moment, and I will know exactly what my kids are learning. Most importantly, I can work every moment on shaping and building their character to be God fearing men and woman.

Being Home

I think I can say with confidence now that I love being a stay at home mom. I have found a gentle rhythm in our daily routines, and it gives me immense satisfaction to cook and clean and care for my family. There is still not enough time in a day to get everything done, but I'm able to get enough done, and I'm learning to be satisfied with that.

I love all the time I have to spend in the kitchen. I'm working hard on our grocery budget right now with lots of meal planning. I'm also slowly working towards more healthy eating with more fruits and veggies and more food made from scratch. I'm even making sandwich bread, and it is delicious! I had a freezer cooking session a few nights ago (it was quite an emotional saga), and now my freezer is full of meals for the next few weeks. Of course, I also love to bake, so there have been plenty of goodies coming out of the kitchen, too. Moderation, right?

My biggest challenge (as I predicted) are the mornings.  I know that if I could get up before the kids, even by just 10 or 20 minutes, and have some time to myself to get going before the kids start tugging at me, then my day would almost surely start 100% better. But it's really hard to believe that when the alarm goes off in the morning, and I try to squeeze in every last minute of sleep until the kids drag me out of bed. It would help if I went to bed earlier, but there is always something to do after the kids go to bed: catch up on cleaning, auditing charts (I do about 10 a day), or homeschool planning. It would also help if I didn't let Elijah come to bed with us around 5 every morning (but it's really hard to get him back to sleep on his own at that time, and he is so warm and cozy!). I'm working hard to conquer this before we "officially" start school next week.

I won't talk about the homeschooling yet. That will be its own post sometime next week. For now, I'll just tell you that things are starting to come together, and I'm looking forward to our first day of school!

For my quiet time, I've been reading a chapter of Proverbs every morning. This morning, I finally landed on Proverbs 31.  I know it's cliché, but I truly want to be that Proverbs 31 woman. This is a woman of strength and passion; she works hard for her family.  Verse 27 is on my daily planner: "She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness." And then there's verse 15: "She gets up while it is still dark"...yeah, that is one part I definitely need to work on.  But what struck me most in reading this passage today is the way the husband sees this wife.  He is proud of her; she does nothing but uplift and bring him honor.  He relies on her; he praises her.  God designed woman to be man's helper, and this Proverbs 31 woman has mastered that, and her husband is happy because of that and appreciates her.  She contributes to her family through physical work, financial profit, and wise counsel.  She does not fear for the future of her family because she works hard to provide for them, but also because she fears the Lord. There is the crux of what I'm striving for: a woman who clearly displays her trust in the Lord as she works everyday and is the main support for her husband.

I think it's time to pause in my quiet times, and dwell on these passages for a few days.  There is so much to pull from here, and so much to think on.  As life falls into place, and we are really getting settled here in Texas, this is our great chance to re-define the flow of our family.  I know I play an important role in that in how I treat my husband and my kids, and how I order my day. Even with less on my plate, life is still rolling by so fast, it's easy to lose track of the center of everything.

I love being home everyday, and I desperately need God to be the center of our home.

Lord, be with me in the mundane day to day.  Be my center, and keep my eyes focused on You.

Texas

We have survived the road trip with few incidents, and we have been in Texas for about a week now. It's been exciting and sometimes a little scary. Definitely an adventure. Let's just say Texas is very different from California, but I think we are going to be very happy here.

One thing you will not hear us complain about too much is the weather. Texas has weather. Yes, it's been horribly hot, but we can handle that. We are loving the sudden rain showers and the thunder and lightening storms.  We hit a huge, beautiful storm as we drove across the state line at the end of our first day of driving. Lightening flashed on the horizon all around, and the rain came down in sheets. A little intimidating as we were driving, and the kids were a little frightened. A few times already, as we have been running errands around town, we've been caught in a sudden downpour. And nothing is cozier than sitting in our home listening to the rain drum on the roof. 

A couple days ago, I tried to explain to the kids why the air feels thick and sticky. As I talked about water droplets in the air and told them it was called humidity, Joy's natural response was, "Can I lick it?"

I absolutely love our house. We are still in the middle of unpacking, so it looks like a disaster, but it is slowly coming together. The kitchen is fully functional.  Joy's room is almost done, with the boys' room close behind. You can barely walk through the master bedroom. This happens every time we move; our room always gets done last. Some things I love about our new home:

-There is a huge backyard. I can't wait to get it fixed up and put in a swing set and watch the kids enjoy it. 

-I have a laundry room.  Not a closet off the hallway, or washer and dryer in the garage, an actual laundry room just across from the master bedroom. Do you know how many Pinterest ideas there are for laundry rooms?!

-The kitchen is gorgeous. Good amount of cabinet space and tons of counter space. I've already tested it thoroughly, and the functionality is perfect. Everything is right to hand without being cramped. 

-The pantry is large, but wide instead of deep, so we won't lose things in back, dark corners. 

-The floor plan is fantastic.  The kids room are set off in the front of the house on either side of an open room that will be our office/homeschooling space. The living space through the kitchen, dining area, and kitchen is very open, and the master bedroom is tucked in the back with a large bathroom and closet. 

-Joy's room has a small window alcove. How many times have I talked about making a reading nook for her? It is so perfect. I've already got a window seat and curtains set up. Just a few finishing touches needed. 

-There is both a shower stall and a large bathtub in the master bathroom. This just seems so luxurious to me.

-There is a ceiling fan in every room. Makes a huge difference in this heat!

-The kids' bathtub does not have sliding doors. Minor detail, but have you ever tried to give a kid a bath around those kinds of doors? Grateful for the small blessing of an open tub. 

-The whole living area is tiled. Fantastic with little kids making messes everywhere. 

-The size is perfect. Big enough to fit us comfortably and do some entertaining, but not so big as to be unmanageable to keep everything clean. 

Outside the home, we are starting to learn our way around town. Driving is definitely different out here. The streets are all crooked, and not clearly marked, and some of them have two names, which is tons of fun when trying to navigate with Google maps.  We have located all the important things: coffee, bank, grocery store, Target. The big store out here is HEB. It's a big warehouse store with pretty much everything. 

So, overall, we are very happy to be here. As we settle in, I'm working on establishing good habits and routines. It's a brand new beginning, a fresh start; I want to make it right!

Oh, and by the way, this guy just turned 1 year old!

Survival Mode

Moving day is approaching fast, and we are in a mad rush to get everything packed and ready to go. Our parenting has shifted into survival mode: keep the kids as quiet and happy as possible with the least amount of effort so we can put most of our time and energy into packing. 

I feel kind of guilty, really, like I'm being a subpar, lazy parent. I'm very grateful to other parents who come alongside at times like this and empathize with me.  "Oh, you fed your kids pizza for dinner three nights in a row? And they watched 4 movies today? Don't worry about it; I've done the same thing. Sometimes you've just got to get by."  It's encouraging to know we are not alone. 

I was thrilled to discover on Monday that Elijah will finally sit still and watch TV.  A few times, he has been entertained for two episodes of Yo Gabba Gabba in a row! Yesterday, I struggled for an hour to get him to sleep for a nap before giving up and putting him in front of the TV, and he fell asleep in the rocking chair! Yes, I freely confess that I am using TV for a baby sitter. After a while of TV, I do turn it off and tell them to go play for a while until I can't take the noise and arguing, and I'm spending too much time refereeing instead of working, and then the TV comes on again. 

We are in the home stretch! We finished packing out the kitchen tonight. This is the first time I've felt like we are actually going to be able to get everything done! There are boxes piled in the garage, and boxes piled in the playroom. The kids have picked out their toys to take in the car, and those have been set aside in special bags. Tomorrow, we will pack our suitcases, and just start throwing anything left into boxes. 

There is so much to do, I don't even have time to stop and think about what we are leaving and where we are going.  It's like my emotions are in survival mode, too: I'll deal with that later. Right now, all I can handle is this moment, one thing at a time.  It's coming, I know.  There are waves of emotion being held at bay. It's going to be so hard to leave, and there's so much uncertainty about what the future holds. I'm still trusting in God; I still believe this is His plan for us, and He will not fail us. 

First Day Home

Last Monday was my first official day as a stay at home mom.  I wasn't planning to go full on "mom mode" right away, though; the plan is for the kids to finish the month in daycare, giving me two weeks to attend to the packing and cleaning without helpful little hands.

On Sunday, Elijah started throwing up at 3am.  He continued this pattern into Sunday afternoon, which meant he would have to stay home with me on Monday.  That's ok, I can be flexible.  I had my Monday packed full of long, tedious errands (think DMV lines) not suitable for a baby, so Sunday evening, I quickly rearranged my schedule with a couple light errands and a lot of chores at home.

Elijah and I got up Monday morning and dropped the rest of the family off at daycare.  From there, we drove back to RSM and stopped at Starbucks. Mommy got coffee, and Bean got to watch the fountain in the courtyard. Looking at the time, I realized we had half an hour to kill before the post office opened, so we decided to stroll through Target.  I had some birthday money to spend, and since my casual wardrobe consists of one pair of jeans and a handful of T-shirts, I hit the clearance racks to look for some clothes more suited to my new home life.

I was actually finding some things I really liked, placing them in the cart to try on.  Then I got a text from Omar, "Come get William."  All the clothes went back on the rack, and Elijah and I drove back to the daycare to get William who had caught Elijah's stomach bug.  I decided to take Joy, too, so I wouldn't have to make a third trip later.

The day really peaked at lunch time.  William was not hungry and asked to go upstairs and lie down.  As I was serving Joy and Bean, I heard William start retching and ran upstairs to find him standing in the middle of his room throwing up.  As I rubbed his back and calmed him down, I heard Joy start crying and retching downstairs.  William hadn't eaten anything else, so he really didn't bring up much, but Joy made a mess.  I got both kids cleaned up and into bed, then put on rubber gloves and started cleaning the dining room floor, chair, and table.  This whole time, Elijah was rather unhappy about being left in his high chair and screamed at me the entire time I was trying to clean up.

I tried to get some work done while the kids were napping.  Just as the kids all started to wake up and move to the couch to watch a movie, I felt the waves of nausea starting to hit.  My first episode of vomiting was memorable as I leaned over the toilet while holding the baby back with one arm while he tried to see what new game Mommy was playing.

From that point on, I could barely get off the couch.  I was so grateful to see Omar arrive home.  He made chicken and rice soup for dinner, but Elijah was the only one who wanted to eat.  And shortly after dinner, the stomach bug got Omar.  I ended up calling my mom and asking her to come put the baby to bed.  My mom offered to take Elijah for the night, but I thought it would be too much trouble in the morning since he expects to nurse as soon as he wakes up.  I immediately regretted that decision.  Elijah woke up half an hour after my mom left.  It took Omar and I ten minutes to get down the hallway into the room, and I ended up sleeping on the floor with Elijah for an hour and a half because I couldn't get back up.

Tuesday morning, every one was feeling mostly recovered, enough to start eating a few cheerios at least.  However, the rhythm of the week was thrown off.  I got no packing or cleaning or any moving preparations done.  My dad came to visit, and the kids and I spent Wednesday and Thursday with him. Friday, I was very busy trying to catch up on my coding.

I have this wonderful idealistic vision of our life in Texas when I will be a stay at home mom.  I'll rise early and have some quiet time before cooking a healthy breakfast for my family and sending my husband off to work.  Then I will fill the kids' days with creative academics and fun field trips to libraries and museums, while getting work done during quiet time in the afternoon.  I'll have a daily house keeping schedule to follow, and have wonderful meal plans every week.

Now if all of you who are already stay at home moms are done laughing at me, let me just say, at least I've learned my lesson early!  Staying home with the kids is going to teach me how to be a lot more flexible.  I'll do my best to plan and clean and keep life going smoothly, but with 3 kids, life will definitely be unpredictable!

The "Lasts"

Less than a month until moving day.  Already, I am starting to feel a little weepy and sentimental just thinking about all the "lasts" that are coming up.  I'm getting through by focusing on on the "firsts" that are heading our way, but we've got to get through the "lasts" to get to the "firsts."

Last Friday was the kids' last talent show and carnival with Arbor Christian School.  I'm grateful for the time they have spent there, and the friends they have made.  William's class recited scripture and sang a song.  Joy's class recited the Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar (Joy held the caterpillar).  Then they played in the bouncy house, going down the slide over and over and over again.

This is my last week at work.  I will miss the lovely ladies working in the office with me and all the field clinicians, too.  This was my first "real" job.  I started in college as a part time medical records file clerk.  I've advanced to CRC, then coder, plus Allscripts Superuser.  I've been under 3 different managers, and made it through the dreaded EMR transition.  Through long talks with Frankie, and lunch chats with Debi, meetings, and office parties, I've learned so much, about work and about life. 

Yesterday was the kids' last appointments at Mia Bella Pediatrics.  I've loved Mia Bella from the first moment I called to schedule a prenatal consultation, and a live person picked up the phone on the first ring.  They have taken such great care of all 3 of my kids.  There is always a doctor available by phone who knows my child (even at 2am in the morning, and yes, I have tested that!).  When William was in the hospital at 5 months old, Dr. McNulty visited every day that she was working and coordinated care with the hospitalist as we prepared to discharge.  I plan to take a big plate of cookies or something to say thank you when I go back next week to pick up the kids' medical records.

I don't even want to think about some of the lasts coming up.  They are just going to get harder and harder. Last Sunday at church.  Last time with my parents.  Last dinners with friends. Everything is changing so fast.  All of a sudden, it seems like the move is just around the corner, and I can't keep up.

The kids are finishing out the month in daycare.  These next two weeks, I will be home by myself during the day.  I'll be picking up some extra cash doing some per diem coding for St. Joseph and some extra charts for QIRT, but my focus will be the packing and cleaning; so much to do!

Don't tell anyone, but I'm planning to sneak in just a little "me" time, too.  The first day I do some coding for St. Joseph, I plan to do it at a coffee shop.  I've always wanted to see what it was like to sit in a coffee shop and work; it just seems kind of glamorous.  And I love coffee.  I also plan to take advantage of the quiet house for a relaxing hot bath one day.  Just a few moments to help keep my sanity as we seem to be hurdling at breakneck speed into chaos.  Controlled chaos, in a moving truck.

Grace

This post had been on my heart for a week, but now sitting in front of my computer, the words aren't coming easy.  This is a topic that has reached so far into so many aspects of our lives recently; God has been speaking to us and teaching us, and it's hard to contain all of it in a simple post.

God has been teaching us about giving grace.  As we've dealt with some people in the last few weeks, we have felt hurt, we have even felt anger, and God has told us, repeatedly, to show grace.  To show love.  It's really hard.  I have to admit, sometimes it feels good to just be angry, especially when I think I'm right.  Giving grace means letting go of the anger, accepting apologies.  Moving on without a grudge.  Love keeps no record of wrong, right? 

There was a harder lesson to learn, though.  We've also had to learn to accept grace.  It sounds easier, but it starts with letting go of our pride; being humble and admitting where we are wrong.  And we've had to come face to face with that reality in our parenting.  There have been several nights where Omar and I have laid back on the bed and just talked, feeling horrible after one of us has had a "bad parent" moment, and struggling with forgiving ourselves and accepting God's grace to move on.

Seriously, sometimes I feel like a bipolar parent.  One minute, I am the model mother: calm and collected, lovingly correcting my kids and moving them through the routines of the day.  The next moment, I've snapped, yelling and stomping around like I'm a kid myself.  Most people who know me would never think I have the type of temper I let loose in front of my kids sometimes.  Even in the middle of it, I recognize it, and it's such a struggle to reign it in and get control.  And afterwards, I'm horribly embarrassed by the way I've behaved. 

Lately, I've been dialoguing a lot with William about good choices and bad choices.  We always have a choice between good and bad.  Sometimes it's really hard to choose good; doing bad just seems easier.  Even superheroes make bad choices sometimes.  This was a hard point for William to digest, but it was a great conversation talking about how God is the only one who is all good all the time. I've been trying to teach him to take it to God; God has the power to help him make good choices and do good things.  How rewarding it has been to see him lose his temper, go into his room to pray, and come back out with an apology and improved attitude!  There's one of my "perfect mommy" moments.

But though my words have been right, I have fallen very short in modeling those behaviors to my children.  This, this is where I need God's grace most deeply in my life.  When I have to take my son on my lap with a hug and a kiss, and tell him I was wrong, and apologize for being such a mean mommy.  I have to ask God to forgive me and give me grace.  And then I have to accept it.  I have to accept that God will give me grace, that He will forgive me, and I have to allow Him to give that grace and continue to work on me and through me as I mother my children.

In those moments when I am weakest, when my temper is flying out of my control, that's where God's grace is strongest.  Even as I am teaching my son how to fall back on God, God is teaching me the same thing.  In the middle of my tantrum, I'll hear His voice, "Let go."  Let go of my pride; let go of my anger.  Accept His grace in that moment, so I can teach my kids to do the same.

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9 (ESV)

Discouragement

I have the best intentions of keeping up this blog with at least one post every week.  Really.  I will.

But already, on just the third week, I've been putting off writing anything.  I've been saying I don't have a focused topic, and I don't just want to ramble.  But I think the real problem is that I am just feeling down and discouraged this week.

Lack of sleep never helps my frame of mind.  Monday night I was up past midnight working, and then my darling baby thought 3:30am was a great time to start the day.

But really, as upbeat and positive as I've been so far on this blog, talking about our move and God's plans for us, I need you all to know that this isn't easy. As hard as things may be in California right now, Texas is not an easy way out.  Texas was never in our plans.  Now, not only is Texas in our plans, but it is very suddenly and prominently in our plans, and everything is rolling ahead faster than I can keep up.

I've given my notice at work.  Omar is giving our official notice to our landlord.  We got a quote on the Honda for much more than we were expecting; we will probably sell it to Carmax this weekend.  Omar is working on a possible job opportunity with Best Buy. Omar's dad is coming out to help us get moved. We picked a moving date.  July 9.  Good bye, California.

There are things we'll miss.  Superficial things like In 'N Out, Disneyland, the weather, the San Diego Zoo and Safari Park (or really anything San Diego, it's our favorite place for a quick road trip).  Some things run deeper.  Family: we'll be leaving Omar's sister and my parents and sister. Our church.  It's going to hurt to leave these people.  It makes me sad when I dwell on these things.

But the thing that has really discouraged me this week are some people's attitudes and response to our news.  Overwhelmingly, our friends and family have supported us and been enthusiastic for us.  But there have been a few, and it just happens to be people whose opinions are important to me, who have been very discouraging.  They've gone so far as to say that it sounds like we're just giving up, that we are tired and tired of working.  They've even implied that we are being irresponsible parents and don't have a plan to provide for our kids if we move to Texas because we are giving up our jobs here.  Their words have hurt me deeply, and my heart has been heavy this week.

We are doing the best we possibly can for our family.  We love California, and finally admitting that we need to leave was hard for us to do.  If we weren't fully convinced that our family would benefit so much from this, we wouldn't do it.  Not only are we "escaping" the high cost of living in California, we are leaving the culture of California: something we need not only for our kids, but for ourselves as well.  No, we don't have all the answers yet.  Yes, we are moving on faith.  But moving on faith doesn't mean we are sitting back, hoping for the best.  We are working as hard as we can to figure it all out, doing what we need to do, and rejoicing and praising God every time He meets us where we are and fulfills another need.

My husband has been my rock this week.  He knows me so well; he can look at me and know how discouraged I'm feeling, and how stressed out I am.  Besides dealing with a sad heart this week, I've also had a frustratingly busy week with my work from home job.  Omar has been shouldering more responsibility with the kids and home to give me time to get my work done.  And he has constantly been asking me, "What do you need?" and then providing it; anything from a bowl of cereal at midnight so I have the energy to do one more chart audit, to a hug and shoulder to cry on when I just can't handle anything else.

And he has encouraged me and reminded me that we are doing the right thing.  Moving to Texas is hard, and some times people's attitudes make it harder.  But if we are following God's will and allowing Him to work in our lives, it's going to make us stronger.

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:3-5 (NIV)

When God Says "Go!"

I am an expert worrier.  Seriously, no training or anything, it just comes to me naturally.  I could go pro.  So the minute we decided to move, sitting out in the middle of the driveway in the cool evening, baby wrapped in a blanket on my lap, I started worrying about it.  I haven't waivered in our decision, but even though I know we are following in God's plan, and I know this is happening, I still worry about all the details.  Where are we going to get the money for a move?  Should we get a truck and move ourselves?  How are we going to have time to pack?  Should we wait until January when our lease is up?  What about our health insurance?  How will the kids react?  How will we leave our church?  Where will I get Elijah's one year immunizations done?

I even went so far as to suggest to Omar that we should just wait until January to move, when our lease has expired, and maybe we'll be able to save some money and plan out some details to make the move easier.  His response:

"You know what happens to people who wait once God has told them to go?  They end up wandering in the wilderness for 40 years!" 

Oh, how I love my husband!  God has truly blessed me with a man of faith.

So we are going.  We haven't picked the exact date yet, but it will definitely be the beginning of July.  Omar's last day at the daycare is June 28.  I am planning for my last day at work to be June 14 so I can finish the packing and stuff.  My request to work part time was denied; I can't handle the non-stop work anymore, and I am ready to go. And when God has called us to do something, He opens the doors.

Omar called the rental company to ask about breaking our lease.  This was one of our bigger roadblocks.  Turns out, they don't really care.  We have to pay for a carpet cleaning and paint touch up, but they expect the house to be leased again right away.

I also just discovered that USAA partners with Assurant Health to offer some very affordable health insurance options. USAA is one of my favorite companies; they've always treated us so well with our car and renter's insurance.  We can get short term or long term family health insurance depending on what we decide our final needs are.  I will take all 3 kids to our pediatrician for a final check up June 12 before we move, then request copies of all their medical records. If we don't find a pediatrician in Texas right away, I can visit the public health department to get Elijah's one year immunizations done.

God has also shown us He will provide the money for the move, but we are still gathering resources. We are currently evaluating the costs of different moving options (the two big choices are Uhaul or Pods).  We will be selling the Honda.  Omar's parents have offered a car to use, so that will be a little extra money for the move, as well as one less big thing to move.

In so many small ways, the details are falling in place.  We have received so much encouragement from friends and families, and even just acquaintances.  It is very apparent that God is in this and is working.  And He's taking my worry, and giving me peace.  I can honestly say, I have never felt God's presence and guidance in my life as strongly as I have these last couple of weeks.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matthew 11:28-30

Thank you to all our family and friends who have been so supportive.  Many of you have expressed sadness to see us go, but at the same time rejoicing with us at this new opportunity, excited to see what God has planned for us in Texas!

Why?

We are a family of 5: my husband Omar, myself, and my 3 kids.  William is 4; Joy is 2; and Elijah is 10 months.  We live in Orange County, California, in a nice 2 bedroom townhome a block from the lake.  Omar teaches pre-K at a private Christian preschool; all 3 of our kids attend for free.  I work fulltime for a home health agency as a coder/tech support, and do chart audits part time in the evenings from home for an outsource auditing company.  We belong to a wonderful Southern Baptist church.

I guess on the outside, our life looks great.  So why the big changes?  How do I even start to explain? If we try to break it down to the two simplest/biggest reasons, it would be finances and homeschooling.

Financially, we have fallen into a hole.  We've had some life circumstances that have made things difficult, but I also have to be honest and admit we have not always made the wisest choices with our money.  Sometimes, there is so much going on now, that we forget to plan for the later.  At the moment, we are getting by...but just barely.  And we'd like to do more than just get by.  We'd like to pull ourselves together, get ourselves out of debt, and on the road to a more secure financial future.  With the cost of living in California, it's almost impossible.  Omar's parents live in Texas.  They've offered us a 3 bedroom house to rent for almost half of what we are paying for our 2 bedroom townhome.  Tempting? Very.  But it's been offered before, and we've declined.  Now, we've reached a new point of desperation in our financial situation, plus, bringing us to our second big reason, we have arrived at the decision to homeschool.

Homeschooling, to me, is a very simplified way of saying, "I want to be in my kids' lives, in a big way."  I want to be more than coming home in the evening to see my kids for a couple of hours:  "Hi, how was your day?  What did you learn?  Have some dinner.  I love you.  Good night."  Drastically oversimplified, I know, but some nights, that's exactly what it feels like.  We could go into how I am terrified of the direction our public school system is heading, and how I do not want my kids in public school and can't afford private school.  It's a big part of our decision, it's true, but it's really just a side note to the fact that I am still only just realizing the full meaning of how God has blessed me with these children, entrusted them to my care, and called me to raise them, and I can't do that when I only see them 3 hours a day.

I have spent the last 4 years making excuses.  I don't have the temperament to be a stay at home mom: while this may be true on the surface, I believe that God has called me for this, and He has the power to change me. I believe I will find more challenge and reward in this than I ever have at my desk job.  I love my job: while I believe that God has used these last 4 years to give me the experience and knowledge that is helping me make this transition now (by enabling me to gain a work from home job), I also believe He is telling me this time in my life is over. I don't love my job anymore; the days are tedious, and I miss my kids.  At least the kids are with Dad at daycare; it's almost like a stay at home parent: I can't believe I even tried to use this argument. We can't afford it: this has always been my trump card.  Most arguments for a parent staying home ride on the theory that you save money on childcare; my kids have been attending daycare for free, so this argument has been invalid.  We would just be losing income. Also, if I quit my full time job, we lose our health insurance (this is a big, scary thing for me; I've done private individual health insurance before; it was a horrible, bad experience.).  But it has become important enough to us now to make the effort and stir us out of our comfort zone and do what we have to do to make this happen.

We got started on a slippery slope, and once we gained momentum, we couldn't stop.  When William was born, I was working part time.  Soon I started picking up more hours until finally switching to full time (health insurance played a big factor in the decision).  Then I started getting promoted and taking on more job responsibilities that even included after hour and weekend on call.  As money started getting tight, I picked up a second job.  Now I work at least 10 hours most weekdays, plus some on the weekend.  My husband has felt trapped in a job he no longer loves because we depend on the free childcare.  If we cut back on work hours, we can't pay the bills.  But working so many hours, we don't have time for anything else.

On a typical weekday, the alarm goes off around 5:30.  We probably didn't go to bed until midnight, and at least one of us was probably up at least once with at least one of the children sometime during the night, so the snooze button gets hit.  A lot.  By the time we all get up and start getting ready, we are already late.  We rush around and snap at the kids, and I feel very accomplished if I just get everyone out the door without forgetting anything and without yelling (too much).  Then it's work/daycare from 8am to 5pm.  Every now and then, my husband and I manage to coordinate our lunch breaks and spend a half hour together. Lately, I've been trying to get out of work as early as possible to take the kids to the park or walk around the lake. Usually, we all get home at 5pm or later.  If it's a good week, I've planned dinner and all goes fairly smoothly.  On a bad week, I have no idea what's for dinner, and the evenings look a lot like the morning as we all scramble around to try to find something to eat and still get the kids to bed at a decent hour.  The kids go to bed around 8, and then I sit at my computer for 2-3 (sometimes 4) hours doing chart audits, while my husband cleans the kitchen and tries to keep some kind of an orderly home.  We try to watch a show or have a late snack or something together before going to bed, which is usually sometime between 11pm and midnight.  Then we do it all over again.  The weekends aren't much better; we're usually just trying to catch up on all the chores that didn't get done during the week and get ready for the next week.  We manage to throw in family activities here and there, but there's almost a desperation to it: one more thing we need to fit into our lives.

This is not the life God has called us to live, and it's time to change.

We've tried making small changes, baby steps.  We can make this work; it's going to be ok. But it's not.  We are drowning.  Sometimes, I manage to slow down and stop for a few minutes. I focus on my kids, read a book with them or play superheroes for 5 minutes; I glimpse what I'm missing before I take off running again, and it makes me hungry for more. The only thing left to do is to pull everything up by the roots and start over. This hasn't been an easy decision.  We've talked about it.  We've prayed about.  We've talked about it some more.  Just me and Omar.  We probably haven't talked so much in a long time.  Last Saturday, my parents took the kids to the zoo, and we spent the whole day talking (except for the 2 hours we spent watching Iron Man 3!).  And we've prayed as hard as we could.  We have agonized over the decision, but once we made it, it felt right.  I believe that God has laid this path before us, and clearly told us to walk it, and I am finding so much peace in this as we begin to work out the details.

Omar has quit his job as a pre-K teacher.  He'll finish out the school year; his last day is June 30.  I've applied to drop from full time to part time status; I don't know yet if they will grant that.  If not, that's ok, because it'll hopefully be just a couple more months before I quit (don't tell my boss yet!).  We are moving to Texas.  If we can break our lease without too much expense (any one want a roomy 2 bedroom townhome in RSM?), we'll move this summer.  If we have to, we'll finish our lease and move in January.  I'm keeping my contract job, working from home doing chart audits.  That can move with us and help keep us going as we are in transition; I can work as much or as little as I need to and work around whatever else is going on in our lives.  Omar will find a job, maybe in IT, maybe something else for a while, hopefully something with benefits, and will be working on getting some IT certifications and get into that line of work.  I'm going to be a stay at home, full time mom and homeschool the kids.  There are still a lot of details to work out. I am so excited, and so scared!

It's time to re-design our lives.  It's time for our season of change.